I finished my four year plan this week, and next semester, I want to quit my music scholarship. I can graduate in 3.5 years and work part time as a CNA if I don't do piano, and, let's face it, as a college student paying for my own schooling, that's about what I can afford. I did the math and I can make enough money to cover my tuition if I'm working as a CNA, which means that I can start trying to save for med school too.

But that isn't the only reason I want to be done with my scholarship. Because I'm tired of letting people down because I'm not good enough. Because I want to get my CNA and I won't have time to practice. Because arthritis runs in my family and I can't move my wrists after I play, and that scares me and hurts.

My problem is that my piano professor is the nicest man I've ever met and I don't know how to tell him that I can't do this. I enjoy piano, but this is too much for me. And it's turning into a chore, and that's the last thing I want. I'm just scared because I have the closest relationship with my piano professor out of everyone on campus, and he helped me get through feeling incredibly inadequate about my lack of knowledge about music, two deaths, a major illness, and my boyfriend leaving for the Marines. I don't want to lose that relationship, but I know that quitting piano would basically guarantee that happens.

All I know is I can't do another semester like this because every time I type, it hurts. And every time I rehearse, I'm aware that I'm not where I should be on any of the songs because I'm spending time learning accompaniment music that's too hard for me.